For many people, saying yes and going along with other people’s wishes and demands can be draining and have a severe negative impact. Learning to say no can be life-changing. Here’s why it is so important, how it’ll benefit you and some suggestions to help you be successful in your quest.
Why is learning to say ‘no’ important
Creating and maintaining boundaries is essential for positive wellbeing. Knowing that you can stand your ground and refuse, albeit in a pleasant way, means that you are able to prioritise your own life and activities, sticking up for yourself. Recognising that you are just as important as other people will help. Learning to say no will allow you more time in many areas of your life, showing yourself, your family, friends, even pets that they matter.
How can I say ‘no’ to someone?
To start with, saying no to someone can be quite a challenge. You may be worried that you are going to upset or anger the other person or that you will be judged as incapable. Actually, being assertive and valuing your own time and priorities can help to prove that you have a backbone and cannot be walked over.
There are several ways in which you can respond to people when they ask or expect you to do something, but you are not keen to do so.
“I don’t have time at the moment as I’m rushed off my feet.”
Avoid apologising, as this conveys a weakness, but try to convey the message that your time is precious and that you are already overworked.
“I’m heading off now as I am spending time with my daughter this evening.”
You don’t need to have an excuse for saying no, but explaining that you have other things that need to be done may reveal to the other person that you have responsibilities outside of work, for example.
“I can’t help you. Maybe John could?”
Again, do not say sorry, but offer a suggestion as to someone else who might be able to help with the problem or task.
“If I do this, I will have to spend less time doing that.”
Showing others, particularly your line managers or bosses, that if you take on something extra that another thing will have to be sacrificed will show that you are not unwilling, rather you have different priorities and are concerned that your productivity and the standard of your work will be reduced.
“I can’t take that on right now, maybe later?”
Offering a deferred no could be useful. You are showing someone else that you are unable to prioritise their request, but that is not an immediate refusal. It is unlikely that they will come back to you as someone else will probably take on the work, but it does leave it open for the future in case they do still need your help and expertise.
How will saying no benefit you
As mentioned earlier, saying no can give you more time to spend on things outside of work, for example. However, there are also further benefits. Being assertive and standing up for yourself can improve your levels of confidence and increase your self-esteem.